MIZZOU!!

I went to my first ever Mizzou game on Saturday which was their homecoming game. That was freaking amazing. They kicked Colorado's ass 58-0! It was a little cold but it was totally worth it. When we got there we tailgated for awhile with some friends and then went into the stadium. We found our seats and then went and saw our friend Danielle at the Mizzou store. We got some tiger ears for me and some decals for our car! Thanks Danielle! I was just in aww the entire time I was in the stadium. It was sooo neat! hehe

Anyways after the game we went back to town and got all dressed up for a halloween party. My favorite costumes there were Cassandra's and Val's. They were gnomes!!

Sunday we got our first ever family portraits taken by one of Ben's family friends, Pam. She did such an amazing job. I had so much fun. The link to go and look at them is: http://capturestudios.zenfolio.com/f435175014 There will be more up later once she edits some of them. I can't wait!! I love them all already!

Well I know this one was a little short but I have to run off to class!! Enjoy the pics!

{Rochelle, Jake, Laurenn, Me, and Ben (we couldnt find Cassandra)}

more pics to come...

This past weekend..

Man, O man were we busy this past weekend. We had alot of fun though. Saturday was Ben's predeployment party. We had a really good turn out! There was alot of food too! Ben knew about the party but I wanted some of it to be a suprise so I ordered him a "See ya later" cake with a transforming tank on the top of it! He really liked it. To make things even better, our friends Dustin, Stacey, and Libby came up on Thursday and stayed all weekend long. I havn't seen them since I moved back up to MO. It was just amazing to see how much Libby has grown in two months. We all had alot of fun. Saturday, my friend Erica brought her new puppy, Luci, with her and Matt to the party! Let me tell you, besides Rascal of course, she is the cutest little thing I have ever seen. I wanted to keep her but I dont think I would have gotten away with it :)

I am just so glad he is home. I love fallin asleep in his arms everynight and waking up with him next to me every morning. Im trying not to get used to it but man is it hard. lol Monday night, after I got off at News Tribune, we went out to dinner with his mom and sister who were in from Alaska, and his aunt and uncle at Applebees. It was really good to see his mom again. After we left there he took me to the Holiday Inn and told me to come up to the room in ten min. So after ten minutes I went upstairs and opened the door.. he had gotten us the excutive sweet and had lined the hallway with candles that went into the bathroom where the jetted tub was lined with candles and a big vanilla scented candle!!! It was so romantic! I fell in love with him all over

again!!! It was nice to be away from my dads house, and from everything else and just relax and enjoy our time together! I don't know what I am going to do when he is gone. I am going to miss him so much. I still have two months until he leaves so I am going to make the best out of every day! I love you so much babe!!

Well I better end this... off to the attorneys office to get Power of Attorney and then off to make our will! Wish us luck! lol

ENJOY THE PICS!!

{Miss Liberty Mae}

{Some of the McHugh's}

{The Ushmans}

{Matt, Erica, Katy, Rachelle, Luci}

{The Peters}

{The Bathroom}

{What was at the end of the candle lit hallway}

{After our bath!}

Hartsburg Pumpkin Fest

This is one of the reasons why I love the season of Fall! The Hartsburg Pumpkin Fest as been a tradition for me, my aunt Debbie, and my cousin Erica to go to for quite some time now. My aunt Debbie and uncle Glen used to take me and my sister when we were little also! Anywho.. Debbie, Erica, her husband Jamie, and their two kids Brayton and Berkley, and I all went to the pumpkin fest today! It was alot of fun. I like seeing all the different things that people make. And not to mention the wonderful food!!! I ended up getting one medium sized pumpkin for me and Ben to carve once he gets home and three small pumpkins for us to paint. The third one is for my neice Sophie to paint! Erica ended up getting like six pumpkins. Two were gords but one pumpkin was freakin HUGE! It def. weighed more than me!

I know its short but just wanted to talk about my day!

OH... 3 more days and Ben comes home til Halloween!!! Im super excited!!!

{Brayton and Berkley}

My Wonderful Husband

I must say that I have the most wonderful husband out there. And Im sure all of you are wondering what he did for me to say that but really he didnt do anything. I just love how no matter what I need to talk about he is always there to listen. He always makes me laugh, and everytime we are together we are always smiling at each other. Oh might I add that he is smoking hott and I cant keep my hands off! :)

Ben I want you to know that I love you more than anything. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I thank God everyday that you came into my life. I thought that I had experienced love once but then I met you. I didnt know what love was until then. I love how you always know how to cheer me up when I am feeling down. Sweetie I love you so much. I am going to miss you like crazy when you go over seas to fight for our country. I am so proud of you sweetie! I could never do what you do. You are truly my number one hero. I will always look up to you! My one wish is that when we have children that they look up to you and want to be just like their daddy! I love you so much! I can't wait to see you on Wednesday when you'll be home for 16 days!!! I miss you so much!! Love you babe!

Rascal loves you too!

[picture above is what i made at work today 10.9.08]

Fatherly Love

Me and my dad used to be really close. Not so much anymore. I moved away when I got married and of course I cried a little because since my dad and stepmom had just gotten divorced I was afraid of what my dad was gonna do. Well I guess my dad took that as I was upset to leave. I was a little bit but once I started my life with Ben down in TN I didn't want to come back. Well I guess my dad thought that I would want to and when we got into our first fight I told him that the only reason I moved back was to finish my degree, which IS why I moved back. Apartently that hurt him. I dont know why he would think I would want to just leave my husband down in TN and move back in with him. Is he crazy? Well our first argument happend a few weeks ago. First you have to realize that we both are very stubborn and that he is an alcoholic and has an anger problem. Anywho we started arguing, I brought up his drinking, he brought up how I didnt really want to be here and yadda yadda. It all came down to him telling me to get out of his house. He ended up saying sorry the next day and obviously I stayed but I was still hurt. I pay him rent now each month and I pay for my own food. Well tonight I walk into the kitchen to get something to eat and I ask him a simple question about the hamburger and he starts jumping my case about how I never help around the house and how I dont take care of my dog. Im sorry but everytime I come home from working 12 hours a day or from school the dishes are already done and the house is already clean. His girlfriend does all of it. Im sorry that I dont do dishes after every meal like she does. I'll do them once a day but not after every freaking meal. And when it comes to my dog, I do take care of him. I love Rascal more than anything but when I work 12 hours a day I have to put him in his kennel or he will tear up stuff around the house. He isnt in there for 12 straight hours though. I call my grandmother who lives right up the street and ask to if she wouldnt mind coming down to the house and letting Rascal out for a little bit so that he can stretch his legs. I can't help the fact that I have to work, do my internship and have class also. Im freakin trying to graduate in December.
I guess I just dont know what to do anymore. I am not happy here but I dont want to go anywhere else but TN with Ben. And I cant leave because of class. I am only eight weeks from getting my degree. I dont want to throw away all of my hard work. I just wish that we could talk to one another and him not get mad and raise his voice and interupt me all the friggin time. He just gets so mad that I am afraid that he is going to hurt me. I just really dont want to be here anymore. I wish that January would hurry up and get here so that I can go and live with my friend Stacey far far away from here. I mean I love my dad dont get me wrong but ever since him and my stepmom split up he has been really weird. I know he is under alot of stress but that is no excuse to treat your daughter the way that you do. One thing that he said to me tonight was that Im not going to be a good mother and that me and Ben arnt going to make it. Who the heck does he think he is. There is one thing that me and Ben have done for three years and will continue to do until the day we die and that is to never go to bed angry. Yea we get into our arguments but who doesnt. At the end of the day I still love him more than life its self. My dad ended up taking it all back but it still hurt. I know that I will be a good mother to mine and Ben's children because I will not let them live the childhood that I did. I dont want my kids to have to go through that. And I KNOW that me and Ben are going to make it because we have both learned from each of our parents mistakes. It just ticks me off when people dont believe in us but I really dont care because all we are going to do is prove everyone wrong.
I just pray to God that me and my dad can get back the relationship that we used to have and that he gets help for all the things that he has wrong with him. aka drinking, anger, depression.
Dad, if you end up reading this(which you wont cuz you dont know how to work the computer) I just want you to know that I still love you. Just please, please let me life my own life!