Just Need to Vent

Okay so here it goes. Before my parents got divorced my dad and I had a great relationship. Right before the wedding (around the time they divorced) our relationship starting going downhill. I thought that maybe it was with all the stress with the wedding so I didn't think too much of it. Well I moved away to go live with my husband in TN but come August of last year Ben and I decided that it would be the smarter decision if I moved back home to finish my last semester of college. So the middle of August rolls around and I move back. That was the point that my relationship with my dad started going downhill fast. I got the feeling, and still get the feeling that he is upset that I would rather be with my husband than be living in his house. Also, ever since my parents divorced I feel like I have been the one in the middle. I feel like I am being blamed for their marriage not working, for my dad having to sell the house, and I feel like my dad doesn't want me talking to Cheryl anymore. Well Cheryl has been my mom since I was six so there is no way in hell that I am ever going to quite talking to her. I have tried telling my dad that I am sorry that he has to sell the house. If I could of done something to stop it I would have but I couldn't. He keeps telling me that I don't understand what he is going through. Well he is right, I don't understand and I won't understand because I am not the one that got divorced and I am not the one that had to sell my dream home. Plus, I am his kid, not the parent so the house, and all the bills that went along with it were not supposed to be my problem. IDK... I just want the relationship I used to have with my dad back. I don't have that good of a relationship with my real mom and not having one with my dad hurts even worse. I want all of mine and Ben's parents to be in our kids life when we do deicide to have children. IDK... I just hope that my dad see's the light at the end of the tunnel and see's that the more and more he drinks, and acts the way that he has been lately he is pushing me away. Everytime I talk to him we argue and I don't like it. He gets all mad and hangs up and then won't call back and won't answer my calls when I try calling back. I just pray that God knows what he is doing and that soon I can start getting my relationship back with my dad.